loose veganism

How do I justify being only 'mostly' vegetarian? I know that cows and chickens are abused to produce milk and eggs. Why is avoiding dairy not just as important as avoiding meat? And if I acknowledge that meat is cruel, why do I still eat it sometimes?

Fundamentally, as a utilitarian I believe that reducing consumption by 80% achieves 80% as much good as reducing consumption by 100%. It's not an all-or-nothing thing.

Individual action is somewhat trivial in the grand scheme of things. Animal suffering will be reduced through systemic changes. The biggest such changes might be:

• Development of high-quality substitutes for meat and dairy.
• Additional regulation to improve conditions for farm animals.
• Widespread cultural adoption of vegan practices.

The only one of these that I can directly affect is the third: cultural adoption. Having spent a long time being non-vegan, I have some appreciation for the barriers to becoming vegan:

• It can feel antisocial to refuse to eat food that your friends make or eat.
• It's hard to hold the position that veganism is important without implicitly criticizing your friends for not being as virtuous.
• It's harder to eat in some restaurants, and to explore many foreign cuisines.
• Most people have a repertoire of foods they like and meals they know how to cook, and this repertoire took time and energy to develop. They may eventually develop an analogous repertoire of vegan dishes, and learn to like those foods just as much, but the transition period where you don't know how to cook anything good can be painful.
• Veganism puts a burden on people you regularly cook and eat with (such as potential romantic partners) to either get with the program or stop eating with you, and you may not want to impose that choice.
• Meat may be associated with cultural or family traditions that have emotional resonance: a Thanksgiving turkey, hot dogs and baked beans on Saturdays, or your grandmother's cheesecake recipe.
• Once you make a hard commitment, you have to constantly justify it to yourself and to friends. It can be psychologically hard to make this commitment without some sort of change-signaling event.

Regardless of whether these are good reasons not to be fully vegan, they are undeniably significant barriers for many people.

We can avoid all of these barriers by just loosening vegan ideology. Instead of eliminating meat and dairy consumption, gradually reduce it. Stop buying cheap meat. I can still cook my favorite dishes on special occasions, and eat meat socially or when travelling. But when I can use a meat substitute, I should do it. I can try cooking meals with beans, tofu, nuts, and other plant proteins. Find some recipes I like.

This looser ideology has been easier for me to adopt. So it may also be easier for others to adopt.

Modeling and evangelizing an ideology that's easier for others to adopt may in the end result in greater adoption and therefore a greater reduction in meat consumption than if I had been more strict. This argument is self-serving, obviously, but that doesn't mean it's wrong.

A counterpoint is that your practice won't spread if you don't make a point of telling people about it. If you just eat meat with friends without saying anything, the ideology definitely won't spread. So you do have to tell people. But you can start by accepting their offering of food---their bread and salt---and then your story comes off as from someone in their same tribe.

Again, these arguments may seem self-serving, and they are. But if that makes people more likely to accept them, that's ultimately good for everyone.