meditation following log

Dec 13, 2023

Sangha session with Dustin:

Something I realized during a concentration practice is that being honest about how ‘well’ the meditation is going (am I really on the object? Am I distracted?) is a totally nonjudgemental thing. It’s not about whether I’m good or bad or there is a problem. In order to be fully honest with myself I have to be fully forgiving in my honesty. When I use the flames of curiosity - is it really getting me to merge with the object? If not, that doesn't mean I'm bad! Don't avoid noticing what's actually happening because I want to protect myself from bad emotions. Sometimes there’s a sense of “I’m bad at this, it won’t work, so I shouldn’t even try”. I don’t want to ‘try’ in the sense of contraction. But I don’t want to shy away from the intention to be with experience just because I’m ashamed it doesn’t always get fulfilled.

Dustin’s advice for body concentration: settle into the base of the body. Imagine dropping an anchor into the earth.

The fruition of the stabilizied view and the intention to be of benefit to all beings: all speech becomes prayer, every blink a prostration.

one taste: in particular, subject and object are the same taste

Beings in the retinue:

• they are delighted you help in your practice. They rain blessings on you. It’s not subtle, not reserved, holding nothing back.
• they have a boddhisatva vow: when you call on them they have a duty to show up.

Sept 13, 2023

Sangha session with Dustin:

really only two points of posture:

• straight spine: fearlessness
• front of the body: openness

so we have fearless openness.

Using sound to open up the vast expanse of awareness:

• closed eyes
• just notice the field of hearing all around you
• notice that the field has no boundaries
• notice that the sounds come and go, but the field of hearing is timeless

then open up other gateways one at a time. open your eyes, notice visual forms arise in the field. then notice that body sensations arise in the field.

a variant on the retinue:

• ask them for all the blessings. they have committed to providing these for everyone including you. let the blessings rain down on you as everything good.
• eventually they become a shimmering sphere of white light that implants in your heart
• and there is no difference, no distance, between your mind and theirs

Three ways to practice with tension in the body:

• in concentration practice, you see it as distraction
• in emptiness practice, you see as empty, one taste, an expression of universal radiance
• or, in compassion practice: if there’s suffering, orient towards it with compassion.

Oct 5, 2022

Living meditation with Dustin.

Alternative metaphors for ocean and waves:

• sun and its rays
• stars reflected on the surface of the water

These seem helpful for thinking about the visual field when things are still. Awareness is the clear surface of the water, and the reflections we see are not separate from it.

Another way to describe the view of 'boundless' awareness is 'formless'. It doesn't have bounds because it doesn't have any form at all.

Sept 14, 2022

Notes on Dustin's living meditation:

• Q about energy levels practicing morning and night. Dustin says don't let a limiting belief tell you can't focus at night. But also don't push too hard on concentration at night - open up something like ocean and waves, then hold that view as you go to bed.
• Caring and kindness practice: first establish the ocean of awareness. Then visualize extending love towards yourself, others, etc. from that basis of operation.
• Taking 'refuge' means acknowledging that there's a view that is worth it every time. Don't hold a limiting belief that it's not possible to hold the view always.
• Approaches to non-duality:
  • Metaphors: boundless ocean of awareness and its waves are inseparable.
  • Pointing out: look into the space and see that everything in the vast ocean is a single unified field.
  • Fast switching: mind perspective of a vast still open space, event perspective is movement, as you switch quickly between them the distinctions collapse.
  • Ultimately the distinction collapses between the spaciousness and what arises in it.
• Boundlessness and non-duality are prerequisites for sealing emptiness.
• Tonglen: visualize a diamond in your chest that is stainless, indestructible, radiating with compassion and care. We breath into it, breathing in the suffering of others, which hits the diamond and is purified, so we exhale out a sense of healing, connection, and compassion. Do this from the vast expanse of ocean and waves.
• 'clear light' in mahamudra is knowing light. it's nondual.
• I asked about pouring awareness into space. The awareness might start out pouring from a localization in my head. But there's no tension with 'mind only' --- everything being in my mind --- because being in my mind doesn't mean localized in my head.

Aug 30, 2022

things to ask about:

• the breath within the body - is the body the constant backdrop?
• I'm not sure that I've ever experienced a clear end of the outbreath
• emptiness of self - is this the same as the mind perspective? focusing on awareness as the base of operation vs the object of concentration
• my experience at alembic retreat:
  • sitting was uncomfortable (-> bench)
  • tiredness, hard to concentrate
  • not used to unguided sessions. I've since practiced more, focusing on
• advice for a long retreat?
• should I be doing ocean-and-waves?

emptiness of thought: 51, 52, 55, 57: thought and emotion

update: actual conversation wasn't super useful? advice was to work through the whole retreat recording.

May 17, 2022

I'm having trouble with the felt sense of the body. It feels like switching to a different object. Dustin says it is switching; part of the point of the three points is to train mental pliancy. But the breath shouldn't feel so narrow. Feel the breath everywhere, not just at the nostrils. Feel it in the throat, the chest. Switching to the body is opening an aperture, like in photography.

momentary vibrancy is like champagne bubbles. but don't look for anything in particular.

unguided practice is useful too.

mix in emptiness of self. can do three minutes of focused concentration and then run the emptiness guided meditation.

exemplar practice: rather than switching every time, it's less stressful and more effective to stay with a single quality and exemplar for six weeks at a time.

good to experiment with the mind perspective.

anticipating the end of the practice is a form of non-complete staying, maybe agitation. focus on getting the seven points really clearly and use the dark contracted space.

March 3, 2022

concentration: review of the elephant path
breath: be more curious or intimate (= intensify)
once or twice a week: practice spinning sword

beginning of practice: do a one-point object on just the body for a minute before the three-point

don't shift to the 7-point object unless at 80% continuous staying

factors that potentiate awakening:

• mindfulness: paying attention to the task at hand
• concentration: within the task, are you distracted
• metacognitive intelligence: tracking your internal experience
• balanced energy: drowsiness vs agitation
• calm: not a lot of background chatter happening, the mind is not wild
• equanimity: internally nonreactive, externally not judging
• lightheartedness

Do a guru practice on these.

emptiness could also be translated as 'openness'
foundational emptiness: emptiness of self, thoughts, emotions
searching for the self: don't locate it in your head behind your eyes
openness of thought:

• thoughts have no grab
• not bounded, not substantial

consider practicing 2-3 times per day for 15-20 minutes. if you have more time, do a concentration practice followed by emptiness.

if unguided, have a specific intention so you're not thinking during the practice. for now, stick to concentration for unguided practice.