joy is not selfish

Something I've struggled with: given my position of immense privilege, how can I justify doing wasteful 'fun' things like skiing or clothes shopping or generally being a nonworking bum. Don't I have an obligation to work to help people?

Do we generally have a responsibility to be activists? Being gay, do I have a responsibility to participate in gay organizations and work to improve gay rights and generally help others?

Probably there is an imperative in some sense, but I think my experience with depression offers useful insight here. For me at least, over the past year, motivation and joy have been scarce resources. I've stopped enjoying things I used to find fun, like music and backpacking and (of course) computer science research. And because I've stopped enjoying them, I'm no longer able to share that enjoyment with others.

• I forget if I've written about this before, but being in Barcelona for NIPS and going to a gay club with NameRedacted, NameRedacted, etc. was a useful example. NameRedacted was excited about doing that, and his excitement was contagious and made it a fun evening. And in that sense it increased utility for everyone.
• I was reminded about this seeing NameRedacted at the QICSE breakfast today. I realize we are different people, with not a lot of direct chemistry, but his energy and enthusiasm is just fun. I hope he can keep it up even if/when he runs into research disappointments and frustrations.
• So basically the view is, don't feel bad about trying to have fun or be joyful. As long as it's being done in a way that could eventually be something I'd share with others, or even just to build myself into more of a person, or even just trying (and failing) to do that, it's a useful contribution. The worst use of all this privilege would be for me to continue to be depressed and accomplishing nothing. The world needs people who have come alive. Ultimately that's kind of the only thing that matters.