imposter syndrome

For me, imposter syndrome felt like knowing that there was something deeply wrong with me, something I was missing or didn't get, that would prevent me from ever succeeding at the hard job of doing good research.

Almost everyone feels some sense of being an imposter when they try to do something difficult. Just acknowledging this can be helpful. But in my case, the imposter syndrome "turned out to be real": I really did fail at grad school, thus making my worries right all along.

I really like this quote from Sasha Chapin by way of kasra:

imposter syndrome is a failure to have the skill of being okay with doing things wrong

There were in fact lots of skills I was missing, lots of ways in which I was unqualified for grad school. But that's true of almost everyone. What makes it into imposter syndrome is thinking that this is a problem, that having deficiencies makes me into a person who is unworthy of support and acceptance.

A similar take from Cassie Kozyrkov (https://webcache.googleusercontent.com/search?q=cache:https://kozyrkov.medium.com/is-your-impostor-syndrome-the-result-of-skipping-an-important-step-80825ec30ab7):

I’ve often wondered whether impostor syndrome and run-of-the-mill beginner’s trepidation are more closely related than we realize.

Personally, I experience impostor syndrome as the frisson of fear you feel when you’re stepping into a growth opportunity. A kind of “wow, they let me in here?!” But then you work hard, you learn the ropes, and grow into your role, so the feeling goes away. The whole point of being a beginner is that you’re not good enough yet. Perfect. Go learn!

So here’s a question for all of you, dear readers, to rip apart in the comments: is long-term impostor syndrome a symptom of trying to skip your beginner phase? Do people saddle themselves with it by hiding instead of humbly putting their cards on the table on day one?